My First Day in Educ Psych

It rained that day, Not as heavy as it usually does every afternoon. But it rained enough to wet my pants and my socks and my newly-bought uniform shoes. Rhea, Jett and I even had to take two tricycles bound to Aurora Boulevard because we couldn’t fit in one or else the backrider would have been drenched by the time we get to the terminal.
Add to such discomfort was the fact that we also had to cramp ourselves to an alreay crampped jeepney. I was all-sweat, uncomfortable, barely-seated, my feet wet and my legs were aching – all because we were trying to catch our 5:30 class. Yes. A teacher rushing to and most likely being late for his first class as a student.
Indeed, November 11 marked my first day as a CPE (Certificate Program in Education) at the Marikina Polytechnic College. I enrolled three subjects this semester and the first on my schedule is EDUC 202: Educational Psychology under the amiable Professor Elizabelita B. Atienza. Although we had a hard time looking for our classroom, we easily warmed up the moment we entered the brightly-lit room and met the very pleasant teacher.
Professor Atienza introduced herself and it amazed me how accomplished she was at such a young age. I believe it’s her determination to achieve her goals which drove her to be one of the best academicians in this institution. After introducing herself, she asked the class to introduce themselves individually. Most of my classmates are already working and they are taking education units because they feel that their education lies in teaching. And in order to stay as a teacher, one has to be licensed. So this makes me no different from the rest of the class. I also need to take the licensure exams and hopefully pass it in order to stay as a teacher because teaching, I believe, is my calling.
Prof. Aienza assigned us to our groups and gave us our respective topics for our presentation. I was given a copy of the syllabus for safekeeping and reproduction. The teacher also explained to us her grading system and what she expects from her students.
The most important part of the period, however, was when we were asked to form our groups and answer and explain the riddle: I am the longest and the shortest, the fastest and slowest. I am the thing that most people waste the most, yet they need me more than anything else. What am I? My answer to the riddle which the group unanimously acceeded to be presented to the class was the following:
Time. Our group feels that time tends to be very long and dragging if it is spent idly and wastefully on matters unimportant. But it tends to become very fast-paced and shortest if spent on more worthwhile pursuits. Man unfortunately, wastes time and life as well. Especially when he is still in search of a purpose. And most of the time, realization creeps too late when he suddenly feels that he should be doing something which he truly enjoys and loves.
Generally, the class was very nice and accomodating. The teacher is also encouraging her students to participate in class discussions and commends their responses to her questions. I am hoping that this positive impression of the class will continue throughout the school year. Besides, first impressions last.

Tribung UP, Sugod! 71st Samsung UAAP Cheerdance Competition 2008

Muli, ipinakita ng UP ang kagalingan at katalinuhan nito sa katatapos lamang na UAAP Samsung Cheerdance Competition na ginanap sa Araneta Coliseum.

'Di mahulugang-karayom yung lugar ng mga taga-Peyups kanina. Sobrang nagsisisiksikan ang mga tao kahit sa mga pasilyo at hagdan. At 'di ng nabigo ang pagsugod ng mga isko't iska sa Araneta sapagkat muling nai-uwi ang korona bilang pinakamahusay sa larangang ito!

Though I can't say that it was perfectly executed, the entire performance was still amazing! Inspired by an ethnic concept, the UP Pep Squad surely outshone all the other teams. Amidst skepticism by other schools to the point of mockery, the squad's performance showcased the ingenuity and the creativity of the people behind them and of the performers as well . Indeed, as according to the voice over (prior to the performance), "UP is the BENCHMARK OF CREATIVITY AND ORIGINALITY."

And that won't surely label us as claimers. Especially when most of the squads just copied UP routines just like the "trophy stunt" (apologies for the lack of a more technical term) which was ever present in most of the stunts! hehehehe...

Our barkada has always been a follower of the Cheering competition, way back college, so we can at least say that all the squads did very well this year. The bar is constantly being raised, season after season.

It was very difficult to name our top three squads, biases aside. But as always, FEU placed only third because of a major fault when they actually did better than UST. Personally, I think Ateneo, Adamson and FEU performed better than UST... because the latter seemed to have succumbed to mediocrity (all of a sudden) and they shouldn't even be in the top three. I expected more from UST. And as to their banner, "U can't beat Salinggawi twice," good thing you stashed it away!

The UP Pep Squad surely did a wonderful performance, successfully blending ethnic with the modern. It was superb! They again raised the art of cheerdancing to the next level... that is, cheerdancing with a substance.


By the way, Here are the scores of this year's cheerdance competition:

UP Pep Squad
93.30
UST Salinggawi Dance Troupe*
85.27
FEU Pep Squad
83.96
Ateneo Blue Babble Battalion
83.81
Adamson Pep Squad
81.04
UE Pep Squad
72.89
DLSU Animo Squad
70.07
NU Pep Squad
68.36
(*Di pwedeng mag-sourgraping kasi anlayong agwat!!)


UNIBERSIDAD NG PILIPINAS!!!
Matatalino. Walang takot kahit kanino.
Hinding-hindi magpapahuli.
Ganyan kaming mga taga-UP!

Mabuhay ang UP PEP!
Mabuhay ang Unibersidad ng Pilipinas

Feels Like Home

Kung meron man paulit-ulit na tumutugtog ngayon sa carrel ko sa faculty room, ito'y walang iba kundi ang kantang ito ni Chantal Kreviazuk. Bahagi pala siya ng soundtrack ng Dawson's Creek kaya pala pamilyar. Nakakatuwa lang kasi... haaaay...sarap lang ulit-ulitin. pag-aaralan ko kung paano mag-download ng kanta dito sa blogsite para gagawin ko siyang background music. Naks! umaarte lang!

"Feels Like Home"
Somethin' in your eyes, makes me wanna lose myself
Makes me wanna lose myself, in your arms
There's somethin' in your voice, makes my heart beat fast
Hope this feeling lasts, the rest of my life

If you knew how lonely my life has been
And how long I've been so alone
And if you knew how I wanted someone to come along
And change my life the way you've done

It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I come from
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong

A window breaks, down a long, dark street
And a siren wails in the night
But I'm alright, 'cause I have you here with me
And I can almost see, through the dark there is light

Well, if you knew how much this moment means to me
And how long I've waited for your touch
And if you knew how happy you are making me
I never thought that I'd love anyone so much

It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way the back where I come from
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong

Blue Form

Mabigat ang mga paang binagtas ko ang baku-bakong daan papuntang UP Press. Sa isang kuwarto sa ikalawang palapag naghihintay ang taong pipirma sa papel kong tangan mula sa Tanggapan ng Ugnayang-Pang-Gradwado ng kolehiyo. Pagkatapos ng mahabang lakaran, sa isang kuwarto sa dulo ng pasilyong tumutunghay sa madilim na imprenta sa ibaba titila ang aking mga hakbang. Sa harapan ng mesang punung-puno ng mga papel sesentensyahan ang muli kong pagsubok sa pagpapalawak ng kamalayan. Subalit bago pa man tuluyang lumipad at pumaimbulong sa himpapawid ay naulinigan ang pagtangis ng mga inakay na nangungulila at nangangailangan ng pag-aaruga. Kung kaya't agad akong bumalikwas at pansamantalang itinigil ang pangangarap. Mas kinakailangan ako ng mga inakay. Mas matimbang na ngayon ang kanilang mga pangarap. At kailangan kong bumalik para tulungan silang makamit iyon.

Natapos ko ang Batsilyerato sa Arte ng Kasaysayan sa loob ng apat na taon ng walang bahid pula sa aking mga marka. Ipinagmamalaki ko iyon kasi pinaghirapan ko. Kung pagsusunog nga ng kilay na matatawag ay malamang wala na akong kilay ngayon. 'Di ko binigo ang aking mga magulang, pamilya at kaibigan. Higit sa lahat, 'di ko binigo ang sarili ko. Ngunit sa unang pagkakataon, kung kailan ako nagkatitulo at mas lumawak ang kamalayan ay tsaka naman ako naduwag... Sa unang pagkakataon ay pipirma ako ng blue form. Magda-drop ako.

Ngunit karuwagan nga bang maituturing ang pag-drop o ito'y simpleng pagtanggap lamang ng pagkatalo? Marahil ay maari rin naming sabihin na pinili ko lang kung ano ang mas matimbang para sa akin at para sa ikabubuti ng nakararami?

Masarap mag-aral. Nakakatuwa ang pakiramdam noong muli akong pumasok sa paaralan bilang isang gradwadong mag-aaral. Nakakapanibago. Heto na naman ang syllabus, ang reading list, mga kahingian, at higit sa lahat ang mga papel! Na-miss ko nang gumawa ng papel... ang magbasa at manaliksik ng mga libro sa aklatan – mga librong nagluluma na at halos wala ng yatang nais magbukas ng mga ito. Makalipas ng isang taong pamamahinga, sabik akong muli na hasain ang isip at pigain ang utak sa lahat ng kaya nitong ibigay. Natuwa ako sa aking ginagawa. Bagama't may mga pagkakataon na halos maiyak at mawala sa sarili dahil hindi ko magawang maisatitik ang ninanais kong konklusyon sa ginagawang pagsusuring-aklat, ay natapos ko rin ito at matagumpay na naprisinta sa klase. Ngunit hindi ito ang katapusan. Ito'y simula pa lamang.

Sa puntong ito tila may napansin akong kakaiba. Tila nawala sa isip ko na isa rin pala akong guro. At sa estado ngayon ng buhay ko, iyon ang mas mahalaga. Hindi lang ako nagtatrabaho para kumita. Tumutulong ako sa paghubog sa kamalayan ng mga kabataan. At dahil sa muling pagkahilig sa pag-aaral, tila nakaligtaan ko ang mahalagang tungkuling iyon.

Hindi naman masama na pagsabayin ang dalawa, subalit para sa isang taong nagsisimula pa lamang sa bokasyong ito, tila kailangan ko munang magtuon ng atensyon sa kung ano ang mas mahalaga. Kaya ko pa naming tuparin ang mga pangarap ko sa hinaharap ngunit ang mga kabataang naghihintay ng matinong aralin sa araw-araw ay mga tinig na hinding-hindi ko kayang pagbingi-bingihan. Kung kaya, mabigat man ang aking kalooban, kailangan kong tanggapin ang desisyong ito. Ganito talaga ang buhay. Mahirap manimbang... mahirap magsakripisyo.

'Di ko pa rin tapos mapapirmahan ang blue form. Maghahabol na naman ako ng pagsasara ng opisina. Bukas sa dekano naman ng Kolehiyo. Kung tanungin man niya kung bakit bigla ganoon ang aking naging pasya, alam ko na ang aking itutugon. "May mga pangarap na mas kailangang maunang matupad."

Bakit puti ang kulay ng ulap? 28 Abril 2008

Bakit puti ang kulay ng ulap? Pero kung minsan ay dumidilim ito. Sinasabi natin maitim...nangungulimlim. Nilikha siyang maputi. Nagpapakita ng kadalisayan. Sadyang napakaganda para sa mga tumitingala rito. Napakatahinik tignan...dalisay...payapa. May mga ulap na nagkukumpol-kumpol at bumubuo ng mga hugis at imahen. Tila sila bumubo ng mga pangarap.

Ngunit may mga pagkakataon na ang mga ulap ay dumidilim. Nag-aalimpuyo sa galit. Nagpapakawala ng mga kulog at kidlat. Lumuluha rin sa pamamagitan ng mga ulan. Nagbabadya rin ang mga ulap ng iba pang damdamin bukod sa kapayapaang dala ng dalisay nitong kulay.

Gaya ng mga ulap na naipaliliwanag ng agham kung bakit nagbabago ang anyo at kulay nito, ang tao rin marahil ay dumidilim, nag-iiba ng kulay. Dala na rin marahil ng mga sitwasyon at pangyayari, maging ng mga kapwa niya "ulap" na sa tuwi-tuwina'y nasasalubong sa kanyang paglalakbay sa himpapawid ang maaaring nakakapagdulot ng mga pagbabago sa kanya. O maaari rin naming dahil sa mga pagbabago sa panahon.

Ang tao'y nilikhang malinis...dalisay...at payapa. Kailan kaya siya babalik sa kanyang likas na anyo?

Masarap masdan ang mga ulap kapag ang mga ito'y payapa, maputi, tahimik. Ganun din kaya ang tao? Kung pinagmamasdan siya ngayon ng kanyang Lumikha matutuwa rin kaya siya? Ano ng nangyari sa tao at nagpatuloy yata siya sa kanyang pagdilim?

Tayo, sa tuwing pinagmamasdan natin ang mga ulap sa kalangitan sa isang maliwanag na araw at sa mga mapuputing ulap na malayang naglalakbay, hindi ba tayo nasisiyahan? Natutuwa? Nagpapasalamat? Ano kaya ang nararamdaman ng Maylikha sa atin sa tuwing pinagmamasadan niya ang taong madilim, nag-aaway, nagdidigmaan? Masarap tignan ang mga ulap kapag ang mga ito ay payapa at hindi sa tuwing nag-aalimpuyo ito sa galit. Sana maramdaman din ito ng tao. Sana...

Alaala ng Pagtatapos

Isa na marahil ang Pagtatapos sa mga pinakapaborito kong pagdiriwang sa buong buhay ko. Ang natatanging martsang tila nilikha para lamang sa okasyong ito ay tila mga ulap na nagdadala sa akin sa ibang dimension. Isang lugar kung saan nagkakaroon ng katuparan ang mga pangarap at mga alaala ng mga taon ng pagpapagal ay isa-isang binabalik-balikan at sa gunita'y muling binubuhay.

Isang taon na nang ako ay nagtapos sa Unibersidad. Ngunit hanggang ngayon ay buhay na buhay pa rin sa aking gunita ang kakaibang galak at ligaya ng araw na iyon. Maging ang mga araw ng paghahanda bago pa nito – mula sa pagpili ng barong na isusuot, ang pagkakakilala ni Papa kay DJ; hanggang sa pag-akyat sa entablado ng College Graduation at ang muling pagsabit ng medalya sa University Graduation, ang lahat ng ito ay tila awiting nire-rewind ngayon sa aking isipan.

Ang sarap balik-balikan ng araw na iyon. Bagama't lubos ang kaligayahang dulot nito, hindi maitatago ang lungkot na nadarama ng lahat. Kalungkutang bunsod ng paghihiwalay ng mga kaibigang magka-agapay na sinuong ang mga pagsubok ng pag-aaral sa Unibersidad. Tila hinuhudyat nito ang pagtatapos ng isa pang kabanata ng buhay. Ang paglalagak sa mga makabuluhang karanasan, mga paghihirap at tagumpay, mga kasiyahan at kalungkutang sama-samang pinagsaluhan sa isang bahagi ng nakaraan na tinatawag na alaala kung saan ito'y unti-unting aagiwin, aalikabukin at sa pagdating ng panahon ay makakalimutan.

Asan na ba ang SUTLA? Sila Best, Rosa, Carl, Yani, Shyn at sina Nancy at Chai? Asan na sila? Asan na tayo?

Naalala ko habang binibigay ni Karina David ang kanyang makabuluhang pananalita noong araw na iyon, nagawa kong mag-type sa aking celfone ng isang pamamaalam. Makalipas ang isang taon ay pormal ko itong ibabahagi sa kawalan. Para na rin mabawasan ng laman ng telepono at upang balik-tanawin ang nakaraan:

"Sadyang kaybilis ng panahon. Kailan lang ay nakapila tayo sa AS101, umaasang sa wakas ay mapapabilang din tayo sa mga tinaguriang Iskolar ng Bayan. Nangangamba pa nga tayo noon. 'Di mawari ang nararamdaman. Dala marahil ng isang bagong kapaligiran. Nahihiya, ngunit may tapang na hinaharap ang bawat mukhang nakakasalubong na tila ba sumusukat sa ating pagkatao. Mga mukhang tila nagsasabing, "Di ka bagay dito!" "Ano ang kaya mong gawin?" "Kakayanin mo ba?"

Ngunit heto tayo ngayon. Sinasaksihan ang pagdiriwang ng tagumpay laban sa mga hamong nabanggit. Pinatunayan natin sa lahat at sa ating sarili an gating kakayahan at katalinuhan at sa loob ng apat na taong pagpapagal ay tinamasa rin natin ang pagiging ISKOLAR NG BAYAN.

Pormal nang nagtapos ang aking buhay kolehiyo. Kasabay nito ay ang pamamaalam sa mga nakasanayan – mga monay at taho na nagsilbing almusal; ang walkathon habang lumilipat ng klase; ang pagtambay sa dorm ni Best; ang napakadalang na pagshoshoms sa sunken; ang panananghalian sa FC Gallery 2; ang pagpapa-photocopy sa SC; ang paghuhugas ng paa sa CR; ang pag-cutting class kasama si Best upang pumunta sa SM at manood ng sine pantagal bagot sa araw-araw na pag-aaral; ang pagpupuyat, pandadaot, pamamahiya, pagpapacute, pagdarasal, pagte-text brigade, pag-iyak at pagtawa...Higit sa lahat ang mga nakasanayang propesor at mga kaklaseng naging kaibigan. Sa inyong lahat na bumuo ng mga pahina't nagbigay-kulay dito, maraming salamat!

Sa likod ng mga alinlangan ukol sa hinaharap, naroon pa rin ang pagnanais na balik-balikan ang mga masasaya't nakaka-iyak na alaala nang sama-samang pagbubuo ng mga pangarap sa UP. Isang taos-pusong pagbati sa ating lahat sa ating pagtatagumpay!

Subalit hindi dito natatapos ang ating pakikibaka. Ang malaki at malawak na mundo ay naghihintay. Ipamahagi ang katutuhanang ipinamana sa atin ng Unibersidad. Ipagpatuloy ang pakikibaka bilang ISKOLAR NG BAYAN... sapagkat ang bayan ay matagal nang naghihintay."

The Joys of Summer

As of this moment, I can say that I'm having the best summer ever! Never had I experienced before an eventful summer such as this year.

Last March 31, our area (Social Studies) had our first ever S.U.S.O. It may appear sleazy but it's not! The acronym simply means, "SOcial Studies Under the Sun Outing" spearheaded and organized by nobody else more capable than Sir Poch! He even contacted the in-house artist, Sir Uly to design our shirts! See, we even had an official shirt! The group went to Club Manila East in Taytay, Rizal known for its 8-waves pool. Bianca was there with her ever mabait and cute husband, the cool and always dependable Sir Dante was also there with Ate Magz and Miss Pam, fun as always, was also there to share more bonding memories with Sir Jeff and of course the rest of the Social people which includes me, Inay Mye and Sir Poch. (Miss Neri couldn't join us)

We thought the resort won't be that crowded because it's a weekday, but NO because the entire Adamson University faculty and staff and their families were having their Family Day (or so I thought) in the resort! Anyhow, we still enjoyed our share of sun and the pool. Too bad we didn't have a lot of pictures to immortalize the event 'cos nobody brought their cams with them except of course Sir Dante. (Sir, pahingi ng kopya!!)

It was fun, trying my best to learn how to float and do my own swimming style (yeah!) thanks to Bianca and her floating lessons!

It was my first time to go to a resort since dinosaurs still roam the earth! I got to practice my weird swimming style (arms doing the breaststroke while legs, freestyle). It may be weird alright but it can still be classified as swimming since it keeps me afloat! We also had kayaking (?!) and surely joined the rest of the crowd in the resort's "imitation-of-the-beachwaves" pool where there seemed to be a Korean invasion!!! Koreans everywhere!

I know my blog today sucks and I'm partly to blame because I'm just writing this blog about the S.U.S.O. thing because I have nothing to do while the couple in front of me keeps on doing PDA!!! Seriously, get a room man! It's annoying! By the way, I'm in Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf in The Block, waiting for a phone call from DJ's sister who seems to be very busy right now. And while pondering on whether I'll go jogging again tonight in UP or just watch Collateral on my lappie, it suddenly came to me that I'm wasting time here when I should be home by now fixing my laundry.

With that, I'm ending this blog. And by the way, the couple left just now. Amazing!

By the way, this is just the first phase of my summer escapade! There's more to come!

My mind goes off blank part 3

Monday, March 24, 2008
I so hate having to go through a lot just to access my blogs. though honestly, I am to be blamed solely for creating multiple blogs and so now I'm trying to link my other blogs with this one...and so here. i'm talking nonsense. (I know, right!)here's my other blog by the way, http://dreamweaver-chronicles.blogspot.com
Labels: Of Multiple Blog Accounts
posted by d' sandman interpreter 7:19 PM 0 comments links to this post

My mind goes off blank part 2

A friend of mine sent me this message a couple of nights ago when i was feeling quite jaded with... life. The quote really did hit not only a nerve but a big chunk of me, therefore making me realize a few and ponder on a few things... things that have been bugging me for quite some time and causing me sleepless nights and mellow-dramatic waking moments. He told me he quoted the message from a short novel, "Kasal," his dear friend gave him. Yeah, very nice...sweet! Hah! Hmmmmm....oh how i miss such sweet gestures. Anyhow, here are two of those heart-piercing, not-your-usual kind of forwarded messages. Go ahead... Read and ponder... by the way, it's in Filipino.

"Kanina habang hinihintay namin ang pagsikat ng araw, ay tinanong naming muli ang aming mga sarili kung sino ang dapat sisihin sa patutunguhan ng aming relasyon o sa kawalan ng patutunguhan nito. Nagulat kami ng matanto namin na hindi namin kailangan maghanap ng kasalanan para tapusin lang ang aming relasyon. Pwede namang wakasan ito ng walang galit sa isa't isa, ng walang hintuturong nanduduro ng paninisi, ng walang pagkataong nawawasak, ng walang pusong nasasaktan, ng walang kaluluwang napupunit."

"TULDOK. Naghahanap ako ng tuldok sa buhay. Marami na akong mga tinapos na relasyon na hindi naman talaga nagtapos sa tuldok. AT gusto ko ng tuldukan ang mga bahaging iyon ng buhay ko. Maraming tuldok na pwedeng daanan pero hindi pala ganoon kadali mamulot ng tuldok."

Ok breathe... ahhhhhh...feels good, eh?

My mind goes off blank part 1

Thursday, June 22, 2006
Wala lang... Walang third party. Sobrang busy ;lang siguro lately... I don't know. It's not something that happened or we argued about. Its how you feel... eventually, after quite some time. maybe because we've grown so used to each other that we began to treat the other as ordinary... always there... normal. that no matter what happen, we will still have each other at the end of the day. things is, it's starting to take its toll on the relationship. We've become pretty confident that we'll always have each other. Unfortunately, at this point love starts to lose its magic, it becomes unexciting. Worse, you start to ask silly questions such as: "how does a cool off situation feel? Why do some (if not most) people resort to it at some point in their relationship? what will it do to both parties?" ...or even, "Who am i?"Thanks to the help of friends, I managed to get over this PHASE. Yes, it is just a phase that lovers (or in my case, only the other half) go through. It is a stage that they have to go through... head on and hands together. Because, after all the tears and deep thoughts and varied advices, one thing resurfaces... you both love each other. i'm grateful I get to realize that early on. Or else, I would have lost what most people have been dying to have... TRUE LOVE. My baby loves me, that i know for sure. And i love him, too.

posted by d' sandman interpreter 10:27 AM 0 comments links to this post

Breathing Space part 3

"haggardous" life
[Jan. 29th, 200608:56 pm]

haaay... kakayamot...medyo haggard ako ngayon! HAH! Medyo nga lang ba? i hate sundays. ito kasi yung araw na feeling ko ang pangit ko na nga, andungis ko pa... imagine, di ka ba naman maligo the whole day! what would you feel?! paano ba naman kasi, humawak ka ba naman ng plantsa the whole morning tapos maliligo ka, di ba? good luck naman sa pagiging pasmado! ganito rin yung feeling kapag overnight akong gumagawa ng paper, as in walang tulugan talaga. i've experienced that before...well, a couple of times na nga eh. as in yuck kung yuck! haaaay...wala akong magagawa kundi sumunod kasi baka sakalin ako dito sa haus no... hmmmm...kaya tomorrow, good luck sa bathing time! hmmm...segway lang ako... napaka-pointless ng blog ko no?pasensya, windang ako eh...besides, this is my breathing space, remember?i love you baby.

Breathing Space part 2

Thoughts of a Frustrated Poet.
[Jan. 8th, 200608:41 pm]

It's been quite a while since i last my last literary piece. AHEMM! yeah, i used to write essays for our school paper, The Golden Scroll. I used to be a prose writer and not a poet. i hated poems. Hate is such a harsh word. Dislike would be more appropriate. But of course, things change and so people do. Here i am, about to post some of my thoughts in verse since i don't have anything yet on my blog and because my hubby told me so. (Oh, he's so supportive of me! LOL!) Though I still love reading and writing (this time in Filipino), which used to be my pastime during my "pre-hubby days," I occasionally drop a line or two or if luckier, a stanza, when I'm inspired or just had my moments. and so, here they are...the fruits of my sleepless nights, rainy afternoons, tearful recollections and or simple moments of reflection.

Lifeless

what would you do
when the whole world's closing in on you?
when the only risk you've decided to take
plunges you to even deeper and darker chasms?
what would you do
when you lose hope on love and its existence?
what would you do
when the only person that makes you smile
has decided to take a wrong turn leaving you hanging...
in pain...suffering...half-dead?

would you cry?
would you run away?
or hide perhaps...
or even die like your heart?
you can choose to end it all...
but would you do it?
to bury your heart in clouds of pain and despair...
the feeling kills you like shards of crystals
piercing your soul...
shattering you to pieces...
unrecognizable...unknown...unloved.

what would you do?
would you try to win him back?
or would you just watch him leave...
and just let his words of lovereverberate in your ears...
the only thing that can attest to a magical past?
what if he doesn't truly want you?
nor feels genuine love for you?
then the pain doubles...
multiplies a hundred fold...
and then you feel lifeless.


Realization

I’m dumbfounded...blown away...
there are countless ways to say goodbye...
yet why does it have to be this way?
more painful...

a pain that seems to strike my inner being....
tearing away my soul...
devouring my sensibility...
slowly killing me...
putting me into deep slumber...
a peace that is haunted by chaos...
a peace...
eluded by love...betrayed by a friend...

and so he left...
once an acquaintance...
then a friend...
a buddy...
my beloved, he has left me.
goodbye.


Untitled

I’ve learned my lesson…
I’ve accepted my fate…
Like a battle’s loser receding at the background.
Like a king descending his throne…
Like a shooting star crossing the dark evening sky.
So fast it came,
And in an eye’s blink, it vanished
Without a trace…
not even a single glint of light.
I’ve waited long for this
So long that it has engulfed me
In the lonely and dark caves of solitude.
And then I felt something…

A sparkle.
A warm streak of sunlight
Touching my face…
Caressing my cheek.
So I succumbed to the light
Believing my time has come.
My long sought happiness commencing.
Suddenly, I felt a tear falling…
Running it’s course down my face.

Slowly, I opened my eyes…
I found the same old cold darkness engulfing me
Was it just a dream… an illusion
Created by desperation…
By a long period of hopelessness,
I thought someone was calling my name…
Sweet…romantic…melodious.
But when I looked back,
There was nobody there…only darkness.

The cold, dark embrace of solitude.
And so I looked up again,
At the star-strewn sky
Waiting for another dream to come.


a place

i wish for a place where pain is a stranger
and suffering is an outcast...
a place where people shed tears of joy
instead of desperation, helplessness and agony.
where dreams are real and smiles are free.

i dream of a place where flowers eternally bloom
and birds continuously sing their songs.
a place that embraces people together,
forever banishing the distinction of race, color and creed.
where hope is ceaseless and love infinite.

i fancy a place where rainbows are plenty
and storm clouds infrequent...
a place where at the touch of bright sunlight,
all the traces of the past night disappear, never to return.
where the skies are blue and sunshine warm.

i long for a place where i can hide when i'm hardest hit...
a place where i can shout my angst
and let it all out and not be ashamed of it.
where i can be me, for freedom is universal.

if only i could get to that place...
with my humanity and soul intact.
a place unmapped...
for it knows no direction, rules nor boundaries.

a place unknown to everyone...
even myself.
a place where i wish to find utopia...
a place that is my heart.


Wandering

I am walking in the fields…
The wind spreading my wings…
The sun looking down me…
Touching the moist grass…
the cold earth beneath my feet…
refreshed.

I am flying…
Lifting me higher…
gliding in the sky…
kissing the clouds…
calm.

I am floating…
Feeling the immense pressure of water
pushing me upwards…
Slowly carrying me…
The gentle liquid hugging me…
peaceful.

Refreshed…calm…peaceful..
Yet monotonous…
The silence deafening me…
Until all of a sudden everything became different.
Everything seems to move fast…

Spinning…
my heart beating faster…faster…
Lightning strikes…the current
Moves in a hurry…the earth shaking…
Everything turned red…burning…
scorching my being…my soul.
The color of blood…of apples…of love.

But there’s something good in this chaos…
For it broke my silence…
it breathed me life.
And then everything stood still…
again…so sudden…

So short lived was the chaos…the thrill…
Everything came back…
Back to my old humdrum self…
And then I felt something…
A tear falling down my cheek…
A silent witness to a love that came and went.

Retrieving Blogs (Breathing Space) part 1

These are entries which i retrieved from my other blogs since I've decided to make this my one and only blogs 'cos seriously, the cocophony of usernames and passwords tire me to a point where I don't feel like writing anymore. And so my ideas and my rantings end up somewhere in the dark corners of my feeble mind when it should be posted somewhere for my enjoyment or for future reference.

These entries were taken from my livejournal account entitled "Breathing Space" which I started way back 2006. Read on...


Happy New Year!
[Jan. 1st, 200602:50 am]

it's been two hours and twenty-three minutes to the new year. just like everybody else, i had my share of ear-splitting, eye-dazzling and nose-clogging fireworks a few hours ago thinking they would at least take things off my head for a while... try to amuse myself in some way. why am i sad anyway? (in the words of my much-better-half, "feeling under the weather"). my mind's flying (isn't it obvious?! this is such a freakingly pointless blog...and what a nice way to start the year, post someting pointless!)...been blown up by the explosions earlier. anyway, this is my first blog/entry. i'll try to post something pretty sensible tomorrow or some other time. for now, bear with me.
"Like birds, let's leave behind what we don't need to carry... grudges, sadness, pain, fear and regrets. Fly light, happy and contented... Life is beautiful."

Feliz Año Nuevo a todos!

Bumming Around

 

I'm in the Faculty Room where everyone is either doing admin work since it's almost the end of the school year or practicing for the graduation which will happen on Sunday. But me, here...stuck in my table like a pin on a board, blankly looking at the pictures underneath the glass top thinking of things to be done. And then my right hand reached for the second drawer of my file cabinet and withdrew a bag of chocolates which a friend gave as a "pasalubong" the night before.

And suddenly, there I was making myself busy...eating chocolates.

26 March 2008

Wishlist

 

I was on my way back to Quezon City early this afternoon and I was reading Paulo Coelho's "Like A Flowing River" which was unselfishly lent to me by my very thoughtful and sweet student (who is soon graduating), when I suddenly thought o making a wish list which I don't normally do during holidays or birthdays or whatever. I don't know. All of a sudden I realized that I'm actually missing out on the good things in life. The Lenten break had passed me by in the face and I just stared back at it like a stranger while almost everyone able and capable went out somewhere...casually spending the holy days either in a beach, on a mountain, somewhere colder or breezier than the hot Metro.

And then pictures started playing like a slideshow in my head. First slide was a picture of me on a snow-covered front porch. Second, was under the giant steel frames of the San Francisco Bridge. Next slide showed me on Central Park, by a fountain flocked by pigeons. Followed by a picture under the Tour de Eiffel in Paris. And then I imagined myself on a beach watching the beautiful sunset somewhere in the Philippines. The pictures may be of various places and wonderful scenes but what made them special is that i was sharing the view with my beau who is either standing beside me, hugging me, or making funny faces at me, or feeding the pigeons with me...or simply holding my hand. Such places are made more special if shared with someone who makes you feel equally special.

How I wish we could see these places in our lifetime because, honestly, I feel like I'm old already and should therefore make the most of my time. Well, how I wish!

23 March 2008