Monday, June 21, 2010

Sa akin lang

Namimiss ko ng maging masaya. Parang napaka-ilap naman ng kaligayahan. Hindi naman ganito dati. Hindi nga ako sanay sa ganito eh. Parang ang hirap tuloy ngayon kumilos araw-araw kasi may iniisip lagi. Pati ibang tao napapansin na rin. Siguro miserable daw lovelife ko. Hmmm... hindi naman siya "bed of roses" pero hindi rin naman ako miserable. Siguro hindi lang talaga ako sanay. Sabi nga, may kanya-kanya naman tayo ng pagiintindi at depinisyon ng pag-ibig. Marahil hindi lang kami magkatugma ng pananaw... o ng prayoridad. Ewan ko ba. Sana makaya ko. Kinakaya ko naman eh kaso mukhang matatagalan pa bago maging maayos ang lahat. Sana pagdating sa huli, andun pa rin ako. Kaso ang problema, baka sa sobrang paghahangad na makamit ang pangarap ay mawala sa atin ang isa't isa. Akala ko babae ang pinamahigpit kong magiging karibal. Hindi pala. Wala pala siyang kasarian. At dun ako lalong walang kalaban-laban.

Ayoko ng nag-iisa. Ayoko rin ng nag-iisip. Ayoko rin ng walang ginagawa kasi kung anu-ano pumapasok sa isip ko. Buti na lang hindi ko nasasabi dahil kung saka-sakali baka may mapaiyak na naman ako ng mga salita ko. Bayad-utang na ba 'tong nararanasan ko ngayon? Kung sakali man, sana ito na nga ang kabayaran sa mga nagawa ko. Dahil kung may mas malala pa rito baka bumigay na ako at masiraan ng bait.

Sana di ako magsawa. Sana di ako mapagod. Sana 'di ako nagiisa. Pagod na akong magbasa. Wala rin namang pumapasok sa isip ko kundi ikaw. Bahala na.

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Fragments of My Mind

I wish there's a limit to a person's capacity to be sad. Because sometimes, whether you like it or not, the feeling just keeps coming back.

Fragments of My Mind

In this world of ours, uncertainty is the prevailing emotion.

Fragments of My Mind

You can not expect people to be always there for you... to follow your every bidding. But, surely, you can always be there for yourself especially if you have no one.

Fragments of My Mind

We all have our own definition of love. But at the back of our minds, we hope that someone somewhere has a definition, similar or close enough with ours.

Fragments of My Mind

I have seriously developed the habit of thinking out loud. And those are the times when I am most honest.

Fragments of My Mind

As teachers we should be dynamic and resilient. Otherwise, the future of this nation will be weaklings and we will forever fail as educators.

Fragments of My Mind

Once the storm is over, the sky will be clear again and if you're lucky enough, you may also see a rainbow. But it is not an assurance that it will never storm again. Oftentimes, the worst is yet to come.

Fragments of My Mind

If i could turn back time and be a kid forever, I would. Then everything can be solved by a coloring book or a chocolate drink. Not like this. Everything is way too complicated that even the largest library can only satisfy you for a while but the hurt is still there.

Fragments of My Mind

Bakit kaya ang sarap umiyak kapag umuulan? Siguro kasi andun yung pakiramdam na nakikiisa ang langit sayo.

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Fragments of My Mind


It's easier to give up than to continue the struggle especially when you know that the future is bleak. Is the "now" worth fighting for?

The Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

--Reinhold Niebuhr

Saturday, June 5, 2010

To PAPA


Dear Papa,
    It's so nice to hear from YOU. It's been such a long time since I last read YOUR letters. I know you have constantly wanted to talk to me through those letters but I keep on stashing them away somewhere.
    I am sorry I never found the time to pause for a while and listen to YOU. My busy earthly duties and preoccupations indeed have taken a great hold of me that I couldn't even budge. I'm just so thankful that YOU are so patient with me. In spite of mu unwillingness to reconnect, YOU're still there… patiently waiting for me to respond or to simply nod or smile. YOU like it very much when I smile. It warms your heart. It makes you feel alive.
    Thank you, PAPA.
    "For your steadfast love never ceases. Your mercy never comes to an end. They are new every morning."
    I missed YOU a lot. I never realized how much until now. I am sorry for the times I disappointed you or if I continue to do so. I am sorry if I have forgotten you in the despite your wondrous gifts. My heart is aching with longing for you.
    I missed YOU a lot, PAPA. I couldn't write anymore. My heart is racing with words that my hand can't catch up.
    I love YOU, PAPA. So much.

 
                                                     Mao

In silence


"The Spirit of the Lord is upon me,

I shall not fear."


I rant.

I complain.

I cry.

I am stressed, troubled and

Uncertain.

I feel fear.

Hatred.

Betrayal.

The noise confuses me.

Alone.

I am hurt. Unappreciated.

I exhausted myself.

Too tired to even think nor breathe.


 

Suddenly,

You touched me.

And I became still.

The silence is deafening.

It is in silence that you spoke to me.

You were there all along.

Beckoning.

Patiently waiting.

Longing for me.

Loving me.


 

"Suffering is an option,

Happiness is a choice."

What will it be?

To suffer or to be happy?

Acceptance is the key.


 

Come.

Rest awaits in me.


 

"The Spirit of the Lord is upon me.

I shall not fear."

Retreat expectations



 

Lord, help me to…

    Recharge my spirits;    

    Reflect on the year that was and the year ahead; and,

    Reconnect with my purpose.     

Amen.