In my silence and procrastination, and probably as an after effect of the Institutional Lenten Recollection we had in school last Friday, I began to understand myself as indeed searching for someone who would spend more quality time with me than someone who would lavish me with gifts nor acts of selflessness; nor someone who constantly fills my head and ego of words of affirmation; or someone who happens to enjoy me shirtless.
I am longing for someone whom I can talk to whenever I feel the need to express my self, which ever emotion I may be in at such a particular moment. Someone who enjoys talking to me than just texting or chatting with me. A person who feels it's necessary to hear my voice before the day ends just to catch up on things and not just to bid me good night.
I missed being "actually" taken care of. Patience is not one of my virtues. I hope someone is paying close attention.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Missing you
I hate not doing anything. It makes me think of weird things, sad thoughts, and bad memories. It makes me want to pick fights. It makes me crabby. It makes me unreasonable. Not doing anything makes me miss you a lot. But unfortunately, it makes me miss someone and some things from my past. Doing nothing may be a blessing for some but it’s actually a torture for me. Worse, it makes me wait. And i hate waiting. Honestly, I can’t even think sensibly right now. I can’t think and sometimes, well, in this case, I just want to stop thinking.
Old post: June 22, 2006 10:22am
A friend of mine sent me this message a couple of nights ago when i was feeling quite jaded with... life. The quote really did hit not only a nerve but a big chunk of me, therefore making me realize a few and ponder on a few things... things that have been bugging me for quite some time and causing me sleepless nights and mellow-dramatic waking moments. He told me he quoted the message from a short novel, "Kasal," his dear friend gave him. Yeah, very nice...sweet! Hah! Hmmmmm....oh how i miss such sweet gestures. Anyhow, here are two of those heart-piercing, not-your-usual kind of forwarded messages. Go ahead... Read and ponder... by the way, it's in Filipino.
"Kanina habang hinihintay namin ang pagsikat ng araw, ay tinanong naming muli ang aming mga sarili kung sino ang dapat sisihin sa patutunguhan ng aming relasyon o sa kawalan ng patutunguhan nito. Nagulat kami ng matanto namin na hindi namin kailangan maghanap ng kasalanan para tapusin lang ang aming relasyon. Pwede namang wakasan ito ng walang galit sa isa't isa, ng walang hintuturong nanduduro ng paninisi, ng walang pagkataong nawawasak, ng walang pusong nasasaktan, ng walang kaluluwang napupunit."
"TULDOK. Naghahanap ako ng tuldok sa buhay. Marami na akong mga tinapos na relasyon na hindi naman talaga nagtapos sa tuldok. AT gusto ko ng tuldukan ang mga bahaging iyon ng buhay ko. Maraming tuldok na pwedeng daanan pero hindi pala ganoon kadali mamulot ng tuldok."
Ok breathe... ahhhhhh...feels good, eh?
Wala lang... Walang third party. Sobrang busy ;lang siguro lately... I don't know. It's not something that happened or we argued about. Its how you feel... eventually, after quite some time. maybe because we've grown so used to each other that we began to treat the other as ordinary... always there... normal. that no matter what happen, we will still have each other at the end of the day. things is, it's starting to take its toll on the relationship. We've become pretty confident that we'll always have each other. Unfortunately, at this point love starts to lose its magic, it becomes unexciting. Worse, you start to ask silly questions such as: "how does a cool off situation feel? Why do some (if not most) people resort to it at some point in their relationship? what will it do to both parties?" ...or even, "Who am i?"Thanks to the help of friends, I managed to get over this PHASE. Yes, it is just a phase that lovers (or in my case, only the other half) go through. It is a stage that they have to go through... head on and hands together. Because, after all the tears and deep thoughts and varied advices, one thing resurfaces... you both love each other. i'm grateful I get to realize that early on. Or else, I would have lost what most people have been dying to have... TRUE LOVE. My baby loves me, that i know for sure. And i love him, too.
"Kanina habang hinihintay namin ang pagsikat ng araw, ay tinanong naming muli ang aming mga sarili kung sino ang dapat sisihin sa patutunguhan ng aming relasyon o sa kawalan ng patutunguhan nito. Nagulat kami ng matanto namin na hindi namin kailangan maghanap ng kasalanan para tapusin lang ang aming relasyon. Pwede namang wakasan ito ng walang galit sa isa't isa, ng walang hintuturong nanduduro ng paninisi, ng walang pagkataong nawawasak, ng walang pusong nasasaktan, ng walang kaluluwang napupunit."
"TULDOK. Naghahanap ako ng tuldok sa buhay. Marami na akong mga tinapos na relasyon na hindi naman talaga nagtapos sa tuldok. AT gusto ko ng tuldukan ang mga bahaging iyon ng buhay ko. Maraming tuldok na pwedeng daanan pero hindi pala ganoon kadali mamulot ng tuldok."
Ok breathe... ahhhhhh...feels good, eh?
Wala lang... Walang third party. Sobrang busy ;lang siguro lately... I don't know. It's not something that happened or we argued about. Its how you feel... eventually, after quite some time. maybe because we've grown so used to each other that we began to treat the other as ordinary... always there... normal. that no matter what happen, we will still have each other at the end of the day. things is, it's starting to take its toll on the relationship. We've become pretty confident that we'll always have each other. Unfortunately, at this point love starts to lose its magic, it becomes unexciting. Worse, you start to ask silly questions such as: "how does a cool off situation feel? Why do some (if not most) people resort to it at some point in their relationship? what will it do to both parties?" ...or even, "Who am i?"Thanks to the help of friends, I managed to get over this PHASE. Yes, it is just a phase that lovers (or in my case, only the other half) go through. It is a stage that they have to go through... head on and hands together. Because, after all the tears and deep thoughts and varied advices, one thing resurfaces... you both love each other. i'm grateful I get to realize that early on. Or else, I would have lost what most people have been dying to have... TRUE LOVE. My baby loves me, that i know for sure. And i love him, too.
At last!
There's something good in store for those who patiently wait.
Yeah. Certainly. After months of struggling to recover my old blogger account, at exactly, 1:40 a.m. 2 April 2010 (Good Friday) I was able to recover my old account and reset my password. So instead of maintaining two accounts, I will just stick to this one and most likely just transfer my other blogs from the other account. I am so happy! At last, I've got something to make myself busy and stop "overthinking" because seriously, it's making me crazy!
So, the three posts that follow are from my other account. Read on!
Yeah. Certainly. After months of struggling to recover my old blogger account, at exactly, 1:40 a.m. 2 April 2010 (Good Friday) I was able to recover my old account and reset my password. So instead of maintaining two accounts, I will just stick to this one and most likely just transfer my other blogs from the other account. I am so happy! At last, I've got something to make myself busy and stop "overthinking" because seriously, it's making me crazy!
So, the three posts that follow are from my other account. Read on!
Sunday, November 30, 2008
My First Day in Educ Psych
It rained that day, Not as heavy as it usually does every afternoon. But it rained enough to wet my pants and my socks and my newly-bought uniform shoes. Rhea, Jett and I even had to take two tricycles bound to Aurora Boulevard because we couldn’t fit in one or else the backrider would have been drenched by the time we get to the terminal.
Add to such discomfort was the fact that we also had to cramp ourselves to an alreay crampped jeepney. I was all-sweat, uncomfortable, barely-seated, my feet wet and my legs were aching – all because we were trying to catch our 5:30 class. Yes. A teacher rushing to and most likely being late for his first class as a student.
Indeed, November 11 marked my first day as a CPE (Certificate Program in Education) at the Marikina Polytechnic College. I enrolled three subjects this semester and the first on my schedule is EDUC 202: Educational Psychology under the amiable Professor Elizabelita B. Atienza. Although we had a hard time looking for our classroom, we easily warmed up the moment we entered the brightly-lit room and met the very pleasant teacher.
Professor Atienza introduced herself and it amazed me how accomplished she was at such a young age. I believe it’s her determination to achieve her goals which drove her to be one of the best academicians in this institution. After introducing herself, she asked the class to introduce themselves individually. Most of my classmates are already working and they are taking education units because they feel that their education lies in teaching. And in order to stay as a teacher, one has to be licensed. So this makes me no different from the rest of the class. I also need to take the licensure exams and hopefully pass it in order to stay as a teacher because teaching, I believe, is my calling.
Prof. Aienza assigned us to our groups and gave us our respective topics for our presentation. I was given a copy of the syllabus for safekeeping and reproduction. The teacher also explained to us her grading system and what she expects from her students.
The most important part of the period, however, was when we were asked to form our groups and answer and explain the riddle: I am the longest and the shortest, the fastest and slowest. I am the thing that most people waste the most, yet they need me more than anything else. What am I? My answer to the riddle which the group unanimously acceeded to be presented to the class was the following:
Time. Our group feels that time tends to be very long and dragging if it is spent idly and wastefully on matters unimportant. But it tends to become very fast-paced and shortest if spent on more worthwhile pursuits. Man unfortunately, wastes time and life as well. Especially when he is still in search of a purpose. And most of the time, realization creeps too late when he suddenly feels that he should be doing something which he truly enjoys and loves.
Generally, the class was very nice and accomodating. The teacher is also encouraging her students to participate in class discussions and commends their responses to her questions. I am hoping that this positive impression of the class will continue throughout the school year. Besides, first impressions last.
Add to such discomfort was the fact that we also had to cramp ourselves to an alreay crampped jeepney. I was all-sweat, uncomfortable, barely-seated, my feet wet and my legs were aching – all because we were trying to catch our 5:30 class. Yes. A teacher rushing to and most likely being late for his first class as a student.
Indeed, November 11 marked my first day as a CPE (Certificate Program in Education) at the Marikina Polytechnic College. I enrolled three subjects this semester and the first on my schedule is EDUC 202: Educational Psychology under the amiable Professor Elizabelita B. Atienza. Although we had a hard time looking for our classroom, we easily warmed up the moment we entered the brightly-lit room and met the very pleasant teacher.
Professor Atienza introduced herself and it amazed me how accomplished she was at such a young age. I believe it’s her determination to achieve her goals which drove her to be one of the best academicians in this institution. After introducing herself, she asked the class to introduce themselves individually. Most of my classmates are already working and they are taking education units because they feel that their education lies in teaching. And in order to stay as a teacher, one has to be licensed. So this makes me no different from the rest of the class. I also need to take the licensure exams and hopefully pass it in order to stay as a teacher because teaching, I believe, is my calling.
Prof. Aienza assigned us to our groups and gave us our respective topics for our presentation. I was given a copy of the syllabus for safekeeping and reproduction. The teacher also explained to us her grading system and what she expects from her students.
The most important part of the period, however, was when we were asked to form our groups and answer and explain the riddle: I am the longest and the shortest, the fastest and slowest. I am the thing that most people waste the most, yet they need me more than anything else. What am I? My answer to the riddle which the group unanimously acceeded to be presented to the class was the following:
Time. Our group feels that time tends to be very long and dragging if it is spent idly and wastefully on matters unimportant. But it tends to become very fast-paced and shortest if spent on more worthwhile pursuits. Man unfortunately, wastes time and life as well. Especially when he is still in search of a purpose. And most of the time, realization creeps too late when he suddenly feels that he should be doing something which he truly enjoys and loves.
Generally, the class was very nice and accomodating. The teacher is also encouraging her students to participate in class discussions and commends their responses to her questions. I am hoping that this positive impression of the class will continue throughout the school year. Besides, first impressions last.
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