Ngayong 2011, ititigil ko na ang paghahanap ko sa sarili. Hindi pala pwedeng hanapin ang hindi naman talaga nawawala. Magpapakahusay na lang ako sa mga dapat kong gawin sa buhay. Gawing halimbawa si Lee Candelaria (naks!) May ilang buwan na lamang para magpakahusay sa pagtuturo. Pagkatapos nito, saka na ako magdedesisyon kung anong daan ang susunod na tatahakin.
Tigib ng pighati ang 2010. Kagabi hanggang kaninang umaga ay muli kong binalikan ang mga naging bahagi ng masayang pag-ibig. At tuluyang binura sa memorya ng aking mga telepono. Sana maging pagsisimula rin ito ng paglimot. Tapos na ang mga araw na nagdadalamhati at nangangarap, panahon na upang harapin ang realidad. Batid ko namang may naghihintay din sa aking magandang kapalaran. Kung saan at kailan ko ito matutunghayan, iyon ay hindi ko alam. At hindi ko rin iyon hahanapin. Kusa siyang darating sa tamang panahon at pagkakataon. Hangad ko ang kaligayan para sa mga taong nagdusa dahil sa akin. Nawa'y makamit ninyo ang kapayapaan ng damdamin sa taong darating at sa mga susunod pa.
Ibabalik ko ang dating kahusayan -- sa pag-aaral man o sa aspetong propesyunal. Muli kong paninidigan ang tungkuling iniatas at taos-puso kong tinanggap apat na taon na ang nakararaan. Isa akong guro. Nakasampa sa aking mga balikat ang mga kabataang inaasahang makapagpapabago sa lipunang matagal nang nahihimbing sa kawalan.
Kailangan ko na ring tahakin ang sarili kong daan. Ako mismo ang gagawa nito. At sisimulan ko na sa madaling panahon. Lumilipas ang oras. Ang mga pangarap ay kailangang simulang buuin. Hindi ito kusang nabubuo. Kailangan ng pagkilos. At ako mismo ang dapat gumawa noon. Gagawin ko na. Aasikasuhin ko na ang mga dapat asikasuhin sa unang buwan ng taon para anuman ang mangyari, handa na ako. May magandang kinabukasang naghihintay sa ating lahat, iyon ay isang katotohanan ng buhay. Ngunit ito ay naghihintay para sa atin. Hindi ito darating nang kusa.
Tigib ng mga salita ang isip ko ngayon. Naisin ko mang isatitik ang mga ito, alam kong kukulangin ang mga pahina at mangangalay ang mga daliri ko. Ngunit isinisigaw ito ng puso ko. Panahon na para makinig. Baguhin ang sarili. Nang sa gayon, kahit sa isang tao man lang, ay may pagbabagong nasimulan.
Nawa'y kasihan tayo ng Maykapal. Isang mapagpalaya at mapayapang Bagong Taon sa ating lahat!
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Fragments of My Mind
"Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it.... And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it. You must make a mighty effort to keep swimming upward into that happiness forever, to stay afloat on top of it." — Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love)
I want to go to Europe. Learn French or Spanish or German or Italian and be fascinated by their culture. I want to go to strange places, meet new people, make friends with strangers, live a life far from what is secure, safe and comfortable. Be adventurous. Break old habits and learn new ones.
Discover myself and the ever elusive happiness.
Discover myself and the ever elusive happiness.
Fragments of My Mind
"The INTERNET's not written in pencil... it's written in ink." [The Social Network, 2010]
Fragments of My Mind
"I always like to look on the optimistic side of life, but I am realistic enough to know that life is a complex matter." - Walt Disney
Fragments of My Mind
"Despite popular culture, love doesn’t happen by chance, at first sight, across a crowded dance floor." [Tan, 2008]
Fragments of My Mind
[my reply to a silly love quote sent by a friend]
Funny how such quotes seem to know so much and tell you a lot more about love when in reality, they couldn't explain in concrete and tangible terms the ecstasy of being in love and loved back; and the bitterness of a broken heart.
Funny how such quotes seem to know so much and tell you a lot more about love when in reality, they couldn't explain in concrete and tangible terms the ecstasy of being in love and loved back; and the bitterness of a broken heart.
Fragments of My Mind
how i wish it's that easy to seize happiness... it's like a snitch. most of the time you have to be very keen in looking for it and determined in fighting hard to keep it. otherwise, you will lose it, so fast you never had the chance to close your fingers around it and savor its sweetness...
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
On Healing
"...For others, the healing happens gradually. And it's not until months or years later that you realize you don't hurt anymore. ... But if you can make it through the first weeks and months; if you believe that healing is possible; then, you can get your life back. But that's a big IF."
[Meredith Grey, Grey's Anatomy, S7E10]
[Meredith Grey, Grey's Anatomy, S7E10]
On Teaching as the Coolest Job on Earth
It is cool in the sense that we "mold the minds of the future" but it is extremely exhausting to note that, aside from vulnerable minds; we also deal with sometimes unreasonably demanding and at the same time irate parents; heaps of paperwork; mindracking graduate studies requirements; a wreck of a social life; and a few times, impossible colleagues!
But yeah... we have the coolest job on earth.
But yeah... we have the coolest job on earth.
On Employment
I have finally decided to include in my blog the responses I made to friend's posts in facebook because such responses are (1) lengthy enough to be considered a blog and not just a tweet; (2) I make sense in these responses; and, (3) because they fit perfectly into my blog's title -- Breathing Space. So here:
On the subject of employment:
Speaking of employment, i went to a dinner and movie date with myself earlier and while chewing on slices of roasted chicken i started to ponder on the lives of the crew who must have been standing there for hours clearing tables and waiting on people and feigning a smile because they're all so exhausted and then suddenly i was brought back to the days when i used to do the same thing: take orders and stand for eight hours in front of the counter or at times host parties and on worst days, host an unreasonable irate customer.
and then it occurred to me how ungrateful i have become for asking for more when these hardworking food service people are earning way much lower and yet they still show up for work even if its the Holidays.
and yeah... my sentences are lengthy. and oh yeah! THANKS TO EMPLOYMENT!
On the subject of employment:
Speaking of employment, i went to a dinner and movie date with myself earlier and while chewing on slices of roasted chicken i started to ponder on the lives of the crew who must have been standing there for hours clearing tables and waiting on people and feigning a smile because they're all so exhausted and then suddenly i was brought back to the days when i used to do the same thing: take orders and stand for eight hours in front of the counter or at times host parties and on worst days, host an unreasonable irate customer.
and then it occurred to me how ungrateful i have become for asking for more when these hardworking food service people are earning way much lower and yet they still show up for work even if its the Holidays.
and yeah... my sentences are lengthy. and oh yeah! THANKS TO EMPLOYMENT!
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